Tickles Tabitha's Cancer-Tankerous Mommy: The Mommy in the Book.

 

Twenty-six years I was diagnosed with breast cancer and wrote a version of what's now Tickles Tabitha's Cancer-tankerous Mommy. The book was turned down by mainstream publishers who didn't see a market for it and believed that breast cancer wasn't something young women would be concerned about.  

In October 2001, Rosie O Donnell, whose mother had died of breast cancer,  announced the publication of the book on her national talk show. Tickles Tabitha's Cancer-tankerous Mommy went on to be recommended by health care professionals and cancer support groups across the county. 

However, getting the book into bookstores and overcoming the stigma about cancer continued to be a struggle for years.  

When Nutcracker Publishing introduced the Tickles Tabitha character and
implemented the Crack Open a Book Cancer Education curriculum it was a major milestone.

Today's kids and even their parents are usually surprised to hear that when I first became an author there was no way I would have been allowed to read Tickles Tabitha's Cancer-tankerous Mommy at elementary schools.  Talking about cancer- much less- breast cancer was taboo. 

Cancer was not the only topic that was off-limits.  Mental health issues weren't being discussed either.  My Tickles Tabitha title hit on the depression and rollercoaster of emotions a family battling cancer endures in an era when it was just not talked about.  I've often felt as if I'm either a step ahead or miles behind popular perception when it comes to social norms.

Much has changed since the publication of my book, beginning with its author.  

Several years ago I retired to the mountains of Tennessee,  but October is a month I can't let pass without acknowledging Breast Cancer Awareness.  For me, it's been a journey filled with pink pumpkin events and personal angst usually brought on by public speaking. 

I'm proud to say that Tabitha's Cancer-tankerous Mommy helped pioneer cancer resources for children. Talking to children about cancer is no longer deemed inappropriate, and the word breast can even be said aloud to a grade school audience. 

The stigma, shame, and embarrassment  I once felt about my breast cancer and the book I wrote on the topic,  due to the ignorance of others, is long gone.  

I once had another cancer survivor tell me she just felt sorry for the children in the book because the mommy was so mean. I guess she didn't realize the mommy in the book was based on me... only nicer. We can't all be perfect mothers delusional, but if I've learned anything along the way it's that Tickles Tabitha's Mommy is not as mean as I thought she was. 

Despite all that's changed Tickles Tabitha's Cancer-tankerous Mommy remains as relevant today as it was the day I wrote it. Young moms are still being diagnosed with breast cancer. Families are still dealing with mental health issues pertaining to cancer,  young children are still affected by it, moms still feel guilty about it, 

AND women, especially young women,  still have to be their own advocate when it comes to breast health!

I found my lump when my four-year-old jumped onto my lap and I put a hand up to protect my chest. I was 34 with no family history of breast cancer.  Mammograms were not advised for someone my age and today they're still not. 

If you're too young for a mammogram please do a self-exam.  

October (Halloween/Fright Month)  is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Whoever decided that must have had a wicked sense of humor. 

Even after 26 years, waiting for the results of my mammogram is still scary.  Relieved to report mine came back clean!  

February has always been a sweet month for me and not just because of the chocolates my family members know they better gift me with either.

My husband Randy and I were married in February, and this year we celebrated 21 years of marriage. I love him dearly,  but he’s not the only baby I’m wishing a happy anniversary.  I have a couple other babies-- close to my heart, and a little more personal.

Cause-- February marks the moment when a plastic surgeon assured me that he, and my other doctors wouldn’t suggest breast implants unless they thought I would live long enough to justify their expense, and the surgical procedure I would have to endure in order to enjoy my vanity.

The way I saw it, why bother if the only time I’d get to show them off was from a casket!

Of course, when I continued to pester him he admitted that as far as he was concerned, even a year should justify their cost. He was after all a plastic surgeon and not used to women who balked at the idea of breast implants.

Guess I’m glad for once I listened …it’s been sixteen years since Breast Cancer turned my life and future into an ominous question mark. It has been a long, mountainous journey, but the challenges, failures, and even what at first glance appeared to be rotten luck, are what have made my life most interesting.

I can laugh when I think about getting implants now. My husband advised, he had not married me for my boobs, and he did not want me to come back with Dolly Parton breasts. According to my plastic surgeon, that would not be a problem—“you can’t put a watermelon in a hole made for a cantaloupe,” he said...as he aimed a needle-- the size of  the one my daddy used to use on his cattle--at me!

Cancer was the beginning of living a life where I have worried less about fear of failure, or what other people think, and more about making what time I have left significant.

This summer I was reminded once again how one moment can change a life forever, and how lucky I have been. It happened while I was skiing behind our boat. I pulled an under the breast/chest muscle and was jolted into remembering that I have implants due to reconstructive breast surgery.

My implant had not ruptured, but as my daughter rejoiced in telling me, “those implants are old.” It dawned on me that when the doctors’ advised me to get breast implants they never considered discussing replacement surgery because they never thought it would be necessary. As my Oncologist so delicately put it, “you’re odds are okay, I just wouldn’t go to Vegas on them, if I were you!”

Happy anniversary babies— should of gone to Vegas!

Breast Cancer: Ten Things a Survivor’s Teenage Daughter Needs to Know

Will my Mom die? is the first question most children want answered when their mother is diagnosed with Breast Cancer, but “teenage girls have other important concerns as well.

Five years ago, while doing an interview for the News and Observer in Raleigh, North Carolina, my daughter Tabitha, who was 14 at the time, told the reporter, she just always assumed she was destined to get Breast Cancer and, “never thought I wouldn’t get it.”

Hearing her say it aloud-- I felt like I had been kicked in the heart. The first thing a Mother thinks about when diagnosed with Breast Cancer is how it will affect her children. The last thing she wants is her own daughter to be diagnosed with it, if there is some consolation it is knowing your diagnosis could help save your daughter’s life.

Tabitha is now 19, a college student at NC State University, majoring in (no surprise to me) Psychology.

To read our list of Ten Things a Survivor's Teenage Daughter Needs to Know, click on the Breast Cancer Awareness link below.

OCTOBER/ BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH

I’m tickled pink to show off our Tickles Tabitha character and announce that we’re bringing Cancer Education to the classroom. Nutcracker Publishing is presenting CRACK OPEN A BOOK© the first cancer education program to be offered to elementary students.

We’re cracking open Tickles Tabitha’s Cancer-tankerous Mommy; trying on wigs, playing doctor, learning about good manners, and character traits such as kindness, and courage, while discussing the issues that affect children when a parent is diagnosed with cancer.

I know many of you will be surprised to read it’s the first time cancer education has been offered to elementary students, but Tickles Tabitha’s Cancer-tankerous Mommy has not always been welcomed amongst the mainstream, and certainly not in elementary school.

In 1994, when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. talking about cancer to my own children was considered a radical idea, and talking about it to an elementary classroom was un-imaginable.

Now, Tickles Tabitha is going to school and taking her book with her.

CRACK OPEN A BOOK and the Tickles Tabitha character will also be available to health care centers, cancer awareness organization, or anyone wishing to promote cancer awareness.

I know from personal experience that creating a dialogue to talk about cancer or any issue helps alleviate anxiety and contributes to emotional and physical good health and that's what CRACK OPEN A BOOK is designed to do.

When I published Tickles Tabitha's Cancer-tankerous Mommy in October 2001, I was advised, cancer was a niche topic, young women with children didn't usually get cancer, and no parent wanted to read their children a book like that. Despite that it caught the attention of the media immediately and went on to be recognized across the country as recommended reading for families coping with cancer.

While I received invitations to talk to students about reading, writing, or the publishing process, I was never asked to talk to students about cancer.

It's only within the last few years that public perception has shifted regarding some of the often whispered issues pertaining to cancer. Public figures like “Good Morning America" anchor Robin Roberts, White House press secretary, Tony Snow, and Elizabeth Edwards, wife of Democratic presidential contender John Edwards, have drawn attention to this change of attitude.

When I approached parents in my community this year and asked if their children could participate in my focus group, and told them the topic was cancer, they didn't blink.

After having walked a step ahead of the beat for more than a decade, I'm somewhat relieved to discover the mainstream appears willing to quit whispering, stop tiptoeing and start educating our children about issues surrounding cancer.